We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
