so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I came so hard my ears popped.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
