he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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