Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
