So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
