she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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