No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
