I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
