My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
