i wish there were pregnant emoticons
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
