This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
