I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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