I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
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OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
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My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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