On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
