i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
