bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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