By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
