I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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