Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
