Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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