Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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