i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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