SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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