omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
