so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
