Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
