She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
