My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
