everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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