I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
