hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
