So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
