Can Purell be used as lube?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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