she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
