I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize