dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
