i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
