yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
