if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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