party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
