Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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