i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
