Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
