I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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