too bad you live with your parents still
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
