Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Fuck appropriateness.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
