I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
