I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize