god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
