i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
