no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
