My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
