god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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