I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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