So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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