yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
