Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
