he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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