I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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