Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
