i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
