remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
