Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
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He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
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Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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