he thought i was a dude.
Barsexuality is the new black.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
