Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
