Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
