i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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