guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
