I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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