dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
