i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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