I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
