my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
