you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
