I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i think i have herpe
just one?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
